Now, I've been meaning to write this moan up for absolute yonks, as the existence of these objects has niggled me since their creation. They are pointless, ridiculous, impractical and generally stupid, and I loathe them passionately. They are a bane on my existence, but offer humour whenever someone who owns them finds themselves in a compromising position, such as stuck in a door.
I am talking about
rave pants. I hate them.
I'd better explain what they are to the unknowing of you before I carry on. Rave pants, or octopus pants, are those trousers with the stupid tassles hanging off. Just wasted strips of fabric attached to a pair of baggies. I personally think they look ridiculous, but just about everyone, including everyone who has no right wearing any form of baggies, is wearing them.
What is the point? A waste of fabric, they must weigh a ton, and their potential for getting stuck in stuff is phenomenal! Just imagine when it rains (and I appeal to the baggie-wearing community to back me up here), they must soak up a large portion of the town. The tassles would absorb the rain as it falls as well, adding to the liquid content, making it all the worse. I've walked home in big baggie jeans with half of Romford up my legs, but they must be worse.
And then there's the issue of them getting stuck in things, wrapped around stuff, and tied to things by sneaky people like me. Only once have I been tempted, mind. But let me tell you a little story: in Helen's ICT class, there was a girl wearing rave pants. Every time she stood up, she took the chair with her.That can't be very good can it? What if she'd been in a mixed exam and got up with the first set of people going, and the chair clattered all over the floor? Very annoying.
But why are all these trendy people wearing them? They sneer at the alternative population, then take an idea and mutilate it. It's like when 'In the End' got too much radio play, it was alright before, and then it just got silly. Not that I endorse or even enjoy Linkin Park (see: Reanimation, cross-reference with: Bad Sounding Attempt to Make Money). But do you get what I mean? They mock us then wear baggies. Yes, their baggies are ridiculous, impractical and available in white, which is a big mistake when paintguns are so readily available too, but baggies belong to the alternative scene. You see hip hop people wearing them too, but you shouldn't see wannabe trendy musically flawed hypocritical arseholes wearing them, even if they do have loads of stupid tasselly things on them.
And don't even get me started on the bloody punk revival that currently fills Top Shop.
I won't rant for too long though, because my opinion is outweighed by the volume of the damn things. But I will tell you my cunning plan for rave pants and their owners: you know the Jubilee line on the London Underground? Well at Wterloo there are two sets of sliding doors when you get off the train, one set on the train itself and the other set on the platform. Put as many rave-panted people on the train, then make them all get off at Waterloo. The train doesn't stop long enough for that to happen, so someone will get stuck in the doors. Mwahahaha!
