Well, apart from being a very naughty panda and not writing here for absolute yonks, I've been doing lots of thinking, from the origins of the universe to the hitchhiker's guide to the very same thing. Somewhere in the middle there was The King dying on The Throne, and it all began with a matter of etiquette.
Toiletiquette
When Sir John Harington presented the water closet to Elizabeth I all those years ago in 1589, she was horrified, but who could have predicted the social impact of his simple invention. The lavatory, the loo, the bog, the dunny, the john, the crapper, the porcelain telephone to God and, in Elvis' case, the throne, the toilet has affected every one of us. Every home has one, everyone needs one and we all use them. From the holes in the ground in rural Africa to the holes in the ground in central France, even the porti-cabins in building sites, there is no escaping the loo.
But little did he know the rows that would be sparked from the seat. Wars have been fought over lesser things than leaving the seat up, and I'm sure this battle in the ongoing war of the sexes will never be won. But all these problems could be sorted out with one tiny weigh-up of probability.
In our house there are currently three girlies vs. two blokies. Statistically, not taking into account who may or may not have gone previously as the information is unavailable when you rush in busting yourself, when my father or brother go to the toilet, it is 3 times more likely that the next 'producer' will be female. Therefore, the toilet seat ought to be put down. That is the theory, at least. Many a time have I strolled into the loo, and then nearly fallen in as I realise a moment too late that the seat is up and i didn't notice. It is wet-bottomed like these moments that have caused me to produce this entry.
But if I, my mother or sister go to the toilet, the chances of who go next are equal, and it is here that the logic kicks in. Blokes face the toilet when going, girls do not. The same way that male dogs cock their legs and bitches don't. Blokes see that the seat is down, put it up and get on with their merry business. It is an automatic reaction when you are female to turn around as soon as you get it, so you don't see the seat situation.
The conclusion to this pointless waffling? If you are femalisticly outnumbered, put the seat down!
Yes, the exams are getting to me.
