This was written last Thursday, by the way.
So, the day approaches. But I'm not going to talk about that.
Oh, no.
I did have a thing to talk about, but I can't remember it now... something deep and meaningful I'm sure, I'll figure it out soon enough...
Whatifs. What if we hadn't done this, what if we had etc. We had our fist lecture on why we should stay on at FB 6th form today, the first of many methinks, and it set me thinking (oh, no!) about crappy decisions in life.
I hate desicions. Passionately. If it can be left alone, it will be. That's probbly why I came to this school in the first place: because it was predecided. It was virtually my destiny by the time I started in year 7. I had more back-up appeals than a disgraced politician if I didn't get in, but I did so there was no problem. But what if? What would I be like if I had gone to Coopers like everyone at school thought I should? Would I have fit the stereotype to a tee?
Background check: Coopers is a comprehensive that so wants to be a grammar school, but they just aren't. They used to have tests to get in and they would ask questions they weren't really supposed to in the interviews. This was only stopped a few years ago so the people taking their GCSE's this year are still in that super-intelligent clique. A lot of people that go to Coopers have an overly self-confident air about them. Not all, I've met plenty of Coopers people and they didn't all have their heads jammed up their backsides, but a significant number did. And continue to. I don't know what makes them this way, but it's how some turn out. I refused to go there because that was not who I wanted to be. The system would have loved me to, but we all know what I think of the system. Or haven't I moaned about that yet?
So I didn't go there. I never even went to the open evening to reaffirm my non-want. But it is not Coopers that I want to talk about.
At school we have finally realised a situation that we would never have dreamt of a few years ago. We have finally parted company. The group has now become about 2 and a half groups due to one argument after another basically (i's not that simple really, but when is it?).
I don't blame anyone, I think it was bound to happen and it all began falling apart not long after it came into existance. But there was a catalyst I think, someone new that made everyone reassess who they were.
I have a feeling that for legal reasons I ought to make up names, but if any of my friends ever find their way to this site then they should know who I'm referring to. There will be nothing inflamatory on here, because that is the sole function of bitching and there is time enough for that in real life. This is not real life, this is electricity.
To cut to the chase, for 3 years we had sat in our slowly expanding group, gathering friends and being generally happy. Then, not long into year 10, 'Judy' came along. Not much of a stretch really, but I can't be sued! Judy was totally different from everyone. She preached a different religion, she knew another world. She virtually spoke her another language to ears eager to hear. Some of the stuff she said I disapproved of but then I am a boring old fart. The point is, she was a breath of fresh air.
I was not her, we were too different and I knew she would never drastically alter what I did. But that is just me, a stubborn killjoy. Others needed this, they needed this release from the rigours of the group. They became interested in different things, different people and different places. Slowly at first, the cracks began to appear. These were barely cracks, perhaps fractures at most. But they were enough, and slowly but surely spread outwards.
Blah blah blah, the group split, her in one faction and me in the other. It's not like we all hate each other passionately, we still talk to them and they still talk to us, but it has kind of become a 'them and us' situation. But my fundamental question about this is this:
Would this have happend anyway if Judy had never come?
After much pondering and an English lesson not doing much, I have decided that it probably would have. I could give you the 'substance reason', but that is long and boring and would probably cause someone to keel over and die of heart failure. But I think that maybe we were all too different to begin with, we were too blinded by youth to see it. No one wants to be a loner, perhaps this is what we were afraid of. I would have sided with the neutral, middlest group in this situation, but this is what I always do, and after recently reassessing my priorities, I decided I didn't want to do this. Why should I ignore most of my friends because a few people can't get on with each other? So screw that, this time I went where I wanted to go, not where logic said I ought to. I can barely relate to some of the people in the group now, but I don't think I'm bothered. I'm happy, I'm liked, I'm considered and I'm doing what I like to do with people who enjoy it as well. Is that so wrong? Am I anywhere near my original point? I think 'no' is the answer to both of those.
