Hey, it's me! I'm the weirdo sitting on the kerbstone, I'm the kid in the sweetshop, I'm the guy that delivers your milk... OK maybe not, but I can try! I'm Suz, this is my Blog (don't expect anything too fancy too often) and this is me waffling. Be prepared for a stream of strange, nonsensical words and phrases, some of which may amuse you and some which may make you back away and bolt off in the direction of the Thames Estury (don't do it! Please God no!). So I may as well start with an explaination of who I really am, and I congratulate you if you've stuck with it this long.
Who the hell are you?!
Suz. Not your milkman, but perhaps the kid in the sweetshop, depends where you are.
Will you bite?
Unless I'm provoked, no. Or if you just happen to be made of chocolate, I may have to.
What drives you?
My mum mostly, why?
What, not who, idiot. But what stirs the passion in your soul, what makes you hold your head up and be proud to say, "I believe!"?
OK sonny Jim, no more cola for you! I'm a pacifist, does that count? I believe in the power of knowledge, wisdom and gossip, and have often found that a good sharp slap in the face clears the mind as effectively as a good night's sleep, but it gives more enjoyment to the administrator. How am I doing?
Satisfactory.
You're not the voice of God, so don't push it italics boy.
Handbags!
I'm not going to fight you!
OK. I've seen you in a bad mood. It's like Jekyll and Hyde, but you stay ugly. But anyway! Where are you?
The idyllic suburbs of London, England. The smell of the falling rain, the sight of the children playing in the streets, the sound of the boy racers going over speed humps at 80mph. Bliss!
What makes you different from all the other people I quiz, apart from you being the only one to call me sonny Jim?
Let's say your comment and mine cancel each other out. Well, there's the birthmark on my-
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN AND YOU KNOW IT
Someone's tetchy today! But there's the whole matter of me being unable to conform with what my peers expect me to be, my tastes, my obscure imagination, my love-come-obsession with jewellery and the making of, yada yada yada and if I think of any more I'll tell you.
OK. So what are you doing later on?
Now you're scaring me. Do you actually have a purpose? Or do you just come across people and randomly annoy them?
I'm annoying you?
Not yet, and I won't get annoyed if you stick to the appropriate questions.
Hmmm. So why are you making this Blog?
Because I know there are people out there who will read between the lines and see what I'm really saying and what I'm really getting at, and we can nod knowingly to each other and tell abstract jokes and talk about things most people wouldn't see the point of.
These lines are quite close together, you know.
Alright now you leave. Shoo!
