There is a cure to the Coopers Disease!
You are well aware by now of what I think of Coopers, and it is a view shared by several people I know who attend the school. But much as they hate it too, some of them still suffer from the Coopers Disease.
There are several symptoms, but not all may be present, and some exist in people naturally.
- All-encompassing egotism
- Natural intelligence, often accompanied by a sporty flare or the ability to play an instrument
- An air of presumed supremacy
- The potential to be a real wanker
Now don't get me wrong, I have some good friends at Coopers, or who went to Coopers, and it was seeing a friend who had left Coopers on Friday that prompted me to write this.
Let's call him Bob, and his youger brother Bill. I'm not sure how much they'd appreciate me writing this with their real names. Anyway. I met Bob nearly 3 years ago at orchestra, and could tell quite quickly that he went to Coopers. He was much better than I could ever hope to be at music, he was condesending to anyone he didn't like and had it in him to be a total tosser. I wasn't on the receiving end of anything more than a few funny comments, but it was easy to guess what he'd be like to someone he wanted to make cry. His ego wasn't all-encompassing, but it was quite hefty, and I did feel looked down upon when I first met him.
His brother was much less so of all that. People make jokes and pick on us younger siblings, but it was your mistakes we learnt from, not our own. But Bill: at Coopers, yes, naturally intelligent, yes, tosspot, no. He was still slightly afflicted, but more in the way the French Resistance happened to speak French. There was nothing else he could really have been, going to the school and all that. I talked to Bill much more than Bob, and we both knew that when Bob and the rest of our breaktime group left, we'd be the only two left.
For two years, then, there was the group of us, about 8 in total I think. Me and Helen, Bill and Bob, a girl who had been to and left Coopers because she hated it, and another girl who was from the school the first girl transferred to, and a few others beside. Confusing, huh? It was good, though. At breaks, we'd sit about in the canteen, eat Galaxy bars and complain about all manner of stuff and rubbish. They were mostly Helen's friends, as she'd known them longer, except Bill, who we'd known for the same amount of time. But it was nice, a refreshing change from all the bitching at school.
As with all things, it came to an end. Last year we waved off Bob and both girls as they left for university, and Helen departed for full time work. Bill and I were left to our own devices on Monday evenings in the college, eventually finding a decent spot in the stairwell by the door, muttering "Freaks!" to each other at anyone who gave us a funny look as they walked past.
A whole year passed of this, interspersed with illness and exams, until the concert the other day.
Every 2 years, we take part in a concert in the Queen Elizabeth Hall on London's South Bank. It's all very fancy: black and white dress, boys in bow ties and conductors in their finery. We go up there in the morning, practise during the day, and perform in the evening. All time in between is our own, so we usually play cards.
Friday wasn't much different. We played rummy, trumps, beggar my neighbour, Montana reddog, cheat, chase the ace and a few others. For the rest of the time, we sat about chatting. For some reason, I ended up spending near the whole day with Bill and Bob, and it was in this time that I realised the cure for Coopers Diesease...
Go to university!
Gone was the condescending, self-important occasional arsehole, leaving behind the person I only suspected existed... which was a nice surprise.
Could this miracle cure work for everyone, though? Will all that twattishness be drained away when they face the big wide world? There are some key points to note here:
- Bob hated Coopers. He would moan about anything and everything about the school, and cheered when vandals did the place over one night.
- Though I didn't know him before prior to his time there, I think the school gave him his pompous edge and wankerish behaviour. He probably wasn't a bad sort before he went there.
- He couldn't wait to leave. He used to talk about university loads and how good it was going to be paying a mere £1 a pint in the student union bar.
So was it a case of the patient having to be willing to receive the treatment for it to work? I don't know, as his is the only case I've seen, but I think it may well be. If you're born a wanker, you're a wanker for life. If you become a wanker, there may be a chance that you can be a nice person again, as demonstrated by Bob.
And as for Bill? He applied for a load of different colleges, but his parents want him to stay on at Coopers 6th Form. But fear not, he's already got plans for the place, some including fire, others including silly string.
Mwahahaha!
Bloody hell. What a minefield! I'm surprised anyone makes it to university at all! I haven't even finished year 12 yet and I'm submerged in prospectuses.
Bah. Anyway, how have you all been, sweeties? I've been painfully busy and have a backlog of stuff and rubbish kicking about. One school week left, and I'll have a proper bash at it all.
Let's see, what have I been meaning to talk about...
Comic book adaptations. It ain't a love-hate situation, as some are done well and some should have their directors crucified *ahem League of Extraordinary Gentlemen ahem*. But what's with this surge over the last few years?
Some of these films aren't directly from comic books, I know, but they're in the comic book style. And don't talk about graphic novels to me, it's a bloody comic!
We can trace it all back to the fifties, I think. On a wave of superheroistic feeling in America, paper comics thrived. There was an optimism that we could save the world and make everything better (unless you were reading Batman). Criminals would be caught and we would all be alright.
What a load of bollocks that was! Roll on the B-movie, and all that geekish angst was released on a Saturday morning. Dodgy costumes, plasticine models, wobbly sets and unconvincing monsters. It was the bastard child that Hollywood couldn't bring itself to love wholeheartedly. But there was all sorts of stuff straight from the pages of DC and Marvel - they flew, they had X-ray vision, and they fought for the good cause. They were often the nerdy boys in school as well, giving us losers hope!
There was the Batman TV series, radio shows of various superhero stories, the Superman films, a trend in wearing your pants on the outside, it was even reflected in contempory art. Roy Lichenstein drew pictures of the crying girl and the square-jawed hunk with those shading dots, and several other artists produced pieces with a similar basis.
KAPOW! SOCK! POW!
Ahh, you gotta love that non-violent violence.
I'll have to skip a decade or two, because I can't think of much that happened. But to my point!
The first one I was really aware of was X-Men. I read some X-Men a long time ago, but it wasn't one of my regular reads. It had been a cartoon series for yonks, but aired at some disgusting hour in the morning, between Smurfs and Teletubbies on BBC2. But the general consensus was that the film was pretty good. I thought it was, just the right amount of freaky-magnetic-balding-comic book charm.
Unfortunately, someone noticed.
I don't know what order they came in, but others soon followed.
Spiderman - not too bad.
The Hulk - not too good. And why isn't he incredible anymore? He's still green, isn't he?
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - crimes against humanity!
Van Helsing - cheese with extra cheese on the side. Burn it now.
X-Men 2 - still good.
Spiderman 2 - seeing it tomorrow night.
Garfield - not the same kind of comic, but I doubt I'll be seeing it.
Daredevil - dear God.
Catwoman - after seeing Gothika, I don't think I could bring myself to see another Halle Berry movie.
Even going back a few years, there are ones like Judge Dredd, Batman in various incarnations, The Phantom and The Shadow. All vaguely recently, but not so close together as the most recent spate that started about what, 5 years ago?
Looking at a few in detail, let's take Spiderman. I only saw it for the first time the other day, and was quite impressed. Just enough naffness but the right sentiment with the good-vs-evil thing and the moral crises that you need. Cheesy lines, a scientist who goes crazy, and a spider. Voila!
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. If Alan Moore was dead, he'd be turning in his grave. People who hadn't read the comic thought it was alright, but those of us who had, were horrified. The characters were destroyed, the plot was over-simplified and everything was diivinely convenient. No more! Atrocity!
They seem to be very hit and miss. Watchmen, probably my favourite Alan Moore comic (at the moment at least, it changes regularly) is going to be made into a film, allegedly with the kind of love it needs. X-Men 3 is in some stage of production, and Neil Gaiman's Sandman is in talks as far as I know. It alarms me. Surely some things should be left as they are?
Comic book adaptations, like so many things, need to be done by people who genuinely care. Lord of the Rings was great, and one of the reasons was that Peter Jackson was so in love with the story. Marvel play a heavy role in their adaptations, which may explain why X-Men was so much better than George Clooney's rubber nips. It needs to be out of love, not because the film industry is running out of ideas, which may be one of the motives behind this all.
